3 Audiences

3 Audiences

Rose Mina O’Donnell

Blog Post #1

 

I have an Eating Disorder

 

Friend: Can you throw up liquids? Sorry. I mean… just wondering. Yeah, I guess that’s a weird thing to wonder. Honestly, a few days ago I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. I mean I’ve had one for forever I feel like, but officially I am “labeled.” It’s just I’ve been binge eating ever since my boyfriends dad made me chicken lasagna. I told Jason to tell his dad no, and that I didn’t want it, but his dad just said “this isn’t your fancy?” through his innocent and kind eyes and I just couldn’t say no. So I ate it. I mean it would be rude not to eat it, and even more strange to be like “actually I’m super anorexic so nah.” Once I ate the overly-gouged-in-red-sauce lasagna, I was consumed by this need to keep eating. So, a few desserts and some breadsticks later I found myself over the toilet with food shreds down my fingers in his oversized bathroom that smelled of fancy candles and had strange single use hand towels. And a few days later I still can’t stop eating. I’ve been so good at not eating and I really don’t want that to change. I really don’t want to live like this but also I cannot imagine accepting the fact that carb loaded breadsticks and buttered chicken is just sitting in my stomach. I cannot be a person when my stomach is full of bad things and it’s so simple to make them not be there. Anyways if you could just not tell anybody and not think I’m some crazy white girl with a dumb first world problem and just know it actually sucks a lot I would appreciate that. I don’t know, I guess I just need a friend and that’s why I’m spilling all this to you.

 

Teacher/Professor: Can I just be real? I know this is super unprofessional and odd and also not something that you need to feel responsible for but I just need to vent. Or want to vent. But you seem super real and you talked about how your son smokes pot and that makes you relatable so I guess just be honored I feel comfortable telling you this. Anyways. The other day I was officially diagnosed with an eating disorder. And I just feel odd about it. Like it’s something I wear. And I like to think it’s nothing but then it starts to consume me because I realize that it dictates every part of my day. And every part of me. Like when you starve, or throw up too much for too long it starts to be really unsustainable and I feel horrible, and I’m mean and I’m scared and my stomach hurts and I get headaches and feel like I’m going to faint always. I really don’t like actually having a conversation about it because I feel stupid and like a rich white girl who doesn’t know real problems, but there is so much more to the picture that people don’t know. And there is so much more going on, but this is something I can’t control. Which I guess is what makes it dangerous. Anyways, that’s what’s going on with me. I’m not really sure what I expect in response, but I’m just being real and so if you have any words of advice or just want to not say anything, that’s fine too. But thank you for your time, I feel a little bit silly but I’m going to press the send button anyways.

Parent: So. Do you remember this summer when I told you that last year I sometimes would throw up last year? And all throughout high school I just kind of never ate enough, but you know that. I really, really hate saying this to you because I know how much you worry and care and think I’m “beautiful” but honestly I was just diagnosed with an eating disorder. Mainly I just don’t eat enough and I work out too much. It’s really not that bad and it isn’t as bad as Sonia or Aria have had it. And I really don’t want this to upset you a ton because it’s nothing I cannot overcome, and haven’t overcome to at least some extent before. It’s also nothing you did. I know with everything you like to think you have been negligent or something, but that really isn’t the case at all. This is just me and my need for control and my own insecurities. I just know I’m supposed to tell you. Or my therapist is making me tell you, and obviously I love you guys and want to be transparent and I love how honest we are with each other. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner, I know how important honesty is but I just don’t want to hurt anybody or have something like this really cause damage because it really is under control and isn’t a big deal. I love you guys.

DISCLAIMER: This is false information not based upon myself.

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