I think the stick up your ass understands better than you: Gelato is just better than Frozen Yogurt.
It’s like- do you have a brain? It didn’t take my five years as a manager at Ripple Pure Frozen Yogurt (and Gelato) to understand that there’s frozen frozen yogurt, and then there’s… wait for it…gelato. You see, higher in fat= higher in goodness. Especially, my very own creation, Trader Joe’s Cookie Butter Gelato. Yes, I made literal thousands off of this gelato flavor. I’m not a maniac, I didn’t make Trader Joe’s Cookie Butter Yogurt (which would taste even more wrong that it sounds). When people come up to me, the best manager Ripple Pure Frozen Yogurt has ever had, and ask me with their arms crossed “I don’t get it, what is the difference between Gelato and Yogurt?” I have to exclaim:
“Gelato is prince charming and Yogurt is Satan.” And then I can barely hold back from saying: Your ignorance is beyond me. How could you genuinely believe that stupidly fruit flavored Yogurt, could in some world have no difference compared to fat filled, and infinitely better flavored, and unspeakably delicious Gelato?
Really, tell me. Do you think pomegranate yogurt will even fulfil your fundamental, and estomagal (stomach-al), needs as a human? Absolutely not. But let me tell you… put some German Chocolate Cake (created by Ripple’s very own, the beautiful, Ella.) in your estomago and instantly, all your wildest dreams will come true. The experiences your many tastebuds will endure, will astonish your every braincell, and any issues you may have had before will become so insignificant they will melt away like the creamy, soft and luxurious gelato. I’m telling ya, you haven’t lived until you have tried our gelato. Don’t be afraid to live. Be afraid to die (eat Frozen Yogurt)
Yogurt is plain and simple, like you. It’s just a dairy product with a little bit of fruit syrup. Nothing more, nothing less. You will eat it, it may cool you off, but that’s it. If you are worried about fat consumption… don’t come into a frozen dairy treat store in the first place! And if you ask me for the number of carbs, in grams in an ounce of each flavor I will gladly point you in the direction if the nearest local grocery store where you can purchase a cucumber, and you can leave at your earliest convenience! Thank you!
Gelato is real. Keep it real.
That’s all today folks!